Montreal Mirror: Best of Montreal 2010

Montrealer Closest to Sainthood

1. Father Emmett Johns (Pops)
2. Leonard Cohen
3. Brother Andre
4. Jaroslav Halak
5. William Shatner
6. Jean Beliveau
7. Celine Dion
8. Lhasa de Sela
9. Georges St-Pierre
10. Pierre Elliot Trudeau
Honourable mentions: Maurice Richard• Kate McGarrigle • RPM (Roving Party Machine)

Pops takes the top spot for the billionth time in a row, with dapper Mr. Cohen holding steady in the #2 spot. Last year, a number of Habs-related persons—Koivu, Kovalev and Gainey, all now gone—made the list, but this year, Canadiens net-minder and Slovak sensation Jaro Halak backstops his way onto the list. Sadly, Lhasa de Sela and Kate McGarrigle are new additions to the list, proving that even though they are gone, we still love them. And queer partiers clearly adore their booze-slushy dispensing Roving Party Machine.

Montrealer Closest to Hell

1. Gérald Tremblay
2. Jean Charest
4. Pauline Marois
5. Earl Jones
6. Louise Harel
7. Ben Mulroney
8. Celine Dion
9. Carey Price
10. Jacques Parizeau
Honourable mentions: Peter Sergakis • Bob
Gainey • Brian Mulroney

With some playoff success, Montrealers are reassessing their opinion of former Canadiens GM Gainey—he dropped from the #2 spot last year to Honourable mention. Our scandal-plagued yet curiously re-elected mayor still reigns here, while fraud, thief and all-around viper Earl Jones makes his sorry debut. Mulroney père and fils still make the list.

Most Desirable Man

1. Justin Trudeau
2. Leonard Cohen
3. Georges St-Pierre
4. Gabriel Aubry
5. Todd van der Heyden
6. Sam Roberts
7. Roy Dupuis
8. Mike Cammalleri
9. Rufus Wainwright
10. Joseph of Tiana & Joseph
Honourable mentions: Jay Baruchel • Plastik Patrik • Marc-André Grondin

The top two spots remain inviolate, but a lot of movement lower down the chain. Mixed martial artist GSP claws his way into third (see story), while Halle-Berry-dumpee Aubry jumps from Honourable mention mention last year to fourth. A possible pity vote? Newscasting hunk van der Heyden makes #5, followed by playoff hero Cammalleri and Joseph, of the “fashionable, funny and gamma-ray hot”—not to mention somewhat mysterious—scenester couple Tiana & Joseph. According to Facebook and other reliable sources, the couple has some kind of fab loft here and will be returning to NYC next year.

Most Desirable Woman

1. Elisha Cuthbert
2. Emmanuelle Chriqui
3. Mitsou
4. Melissa Auf der Maur
5. Mutsumi Takahashi
6. Annie DeMelt
7. Celine Dion
8. Tiana of Tiana+Joseph
9. Nadia G
10. Holly Gauthier-Frankel aka Miss Sugarpuss
Honourable mentions: Béatrice Martin (Coeur de pirate) • Bronwen Agnew • Karine Vanasse

Jack Bauer’s kid and “sloppy second” Elisha Cuthbert is still the queen of babedom in Montreal, despite her dating a Toronto Maple Leaf, while Entourage’s eye-poppingly beautiful Chriqui (see story) rockets up from Honourable mention to a well-deserved #2. Melissa, Mits and Mitsou jockey for positions, while New York native and shameless self-promoter Tiana appears out of nowhere to stake a claim at #8, just ahead of another shameless self-promoter, blogger/chef Nadia G. Burlesque babe Miss Sugarpuss debuts, as does former underage alt porn model Béatrice Martin, better known as chanteuse Coeur de pirate.

Best-dressed Montrealer

1. Leonard Cohen
2. Rufus Wainwright
3. Plastik Patrik
4. Simon Schlesinger
5. Mado
6. Philippe Dubuc
7. Todd van der Heyden
8. Tiana & Joseph
9. Xavier Dolan
10. Nadia G
Honourable mentions: Celine Dion • Jessika
Fancy • Justin Trudeau

Who knew that a local spoken word poet guy (Schlesinger) could out-dress not only the city’s bestknown drag queen, but also a successful fashion designer, a dapper newscaster, a shameless self-promoting couple, a bushy-headed, bespectacled Cannes wunderkind filmmaker and a shameless selfpromoting blogger/chef? Not us! His friends, maybe?

Best Sports Personality

1. Mike Cammalleri
2. Georges St-Pierre
3. Jaroslav Halak
4. Georges Laraque
5. Carey Price
6. Randy Tieman
7. Anthony Calvillo
8. P.J. Stock
9. Joannie Rochette
10. Mitch Melnick
Honourable mentions: Ted Bird • Tomas
Plekanec • Jacques Demers

Ah, Montreal in the spring. In the playoffs. Do well, Mike Cammalleri, and you’re a god. Do badly, and, well, ask José Theodore—a perennial awardsweeper until it all went bad, and he to Denver in 2006. He was #6 Closest to Hell that year, so don’t get cocky. Meanwhile, GSP (see story) fights his way into the stars, Halak is stopping pucks and winning hearts and figure skater Joannie Rochette shows what can be accomplished despite adversity striking in the most terrible way at the Olympics. Big Georges Laraque may not be punching anyone into next week these days, but the fan favourite and PETA zealot is duking it out with animal cruelty. Sock it to ’em, BGL!

Tackiest Personality

1. Mose Persico
2. Ben Mulroney
3. Mado Lamotte
4. Celine Dion
5. Cary Tauben
6. Gérald Tremblay
7. Anne-Marie Losique
8. Tommy Toxic
9. Frank Cavallaro
10. P.J. Stock
Honourable mentions: Tommy Schnurmacher • Jean Charest • Plastik Patrik

Mado overtakes Celine for #3, leaving Mose as king of fromage and Ben leaving his puddle of ooze in second place. Fashion weirdo Tauben jumps a spot, and burlesquer Tommy Toxic makes his first appearance.

Best Politician

1. None
2. Justin Trudeau
3. Amir Khadir
4. Richard Bergeron
5. Jean Charest
6. Pierre Trudeau
7. Thomas Mulcair
8. Gilles Duceppe
9. Gérald Tremblay
10. Jack Layton
Honourable mentions: Luc Ferrandez • Marc- Boris St. Maurice • Peter McQueen

The big story of last year’s municipal election was, of course, the success of upstart, grassroots party Projet Montréal. Party leader Bergeron now sits on the executive committee (and for the first time, here in fourth place), while his Plateau borough mayor Ferrandez appears for the first time as well. The mayor dropped from #4 to #9, yikes.

Best Political/Social cause

1. Environment
2. Dans la Rue
3. Animal rights
4. Haiti relief
5. Health care
6. Save the Main
7. Legalizing pot/Compassion clubs
8. Anti-police brutality
9. Sex ed in schools/Head and Hands
10. SENSE Project 20
Honourable mentions: Cancer research • Better biking • Redoing Turcot

Animal rights are big this year, jumping from fifth to third. But the news caught up with Montrealers and touched their hearts: witness Haiti relief’s high ranking, not to mention the ongoing and perhaps futile effort to Save the Main from overdevelopment. Sex ed needs to be back in schools, say our readers, and most people still like weed and dislike the Turcot project.

Loudest Activist

1. Jaggi Singh
2. Nora Rohman
3. PETA, Georges Laraque and Lucas Solowey
4. Students
5. Amir Khadir
6. Stéphane Guilbeault
7. Alison Louder
8. Stefan Christoff
9. Nisha Toomey
10. Anti-police brutality protesters.
Honourable mentions: Hockey fans • Michel
Chartrand • Will Prosper

Anarchist gadfly Singh reigns supreme again, while queer activist/organizer Rohman jumps two spots from last year. The animal rights brigade, led by Solowey and championed by former Habs tough guy and current vegan Laraque, leap up from #10 to #3. While the rabble rousing scene will certainly miss old school union man Chartrand, who passed away last month age 93 (!), maybe Habs fans and their clamouring will get the team winning again.

BEST MONTREAL WEIRDO

    1. Hollywood (the Banana Man)
    2. Spider-Man
    3. Spoonman
    4. One Armed Guy metro Guy aka Stumpy
    5. Mado
    6. Carey Tauben
    7. Tricycle biker
    8. Jean Leloup
    9. Mike the Parc Ave. bum who hangs around the
    PA with a keyboard and mutters to himself
    10. Elvis Italiano
    Honourable mentions: Gérald Tremblay • Maysr •
    Tony Ezzy • Stephen Shellenberger

The best thing about this category isn’t the variety, necessarily—Hollywood, Spidey and Spoonman hang on to the top three spots as they did last year—but your descriptions of your favourite oddballs. Here are some:

Mimick Man 3:30 train • Old man on St-V • Speedy Gonzales (at the Mont-Royal metro) • Spitter • The Richard • the Urban Cowboy • “Beer Fund” Beggar • “I just need 50 cents” guy • “Pour manger....” dude at Place d’Armes • “Salesman” on Prince Arthur and St-Laurent in pink spandex • One-armed hairy beggar • One-armed wonder of Guy Station • $1 for a smile homeless guy • 24-hr paperboy at Outremont metro • All the punks with face tattoos • Bum that yells at me • Anthony the Greek • Autistic blind metro singers • Badass Santa Claus tricycle man • Bag foot guy • Barbershop singing dude • Baxter (local downtown bum on drums) • Big fat black guy at Snowdon metro (when I worked at the grocery store, he’d always come in to buy cat food with VHS porn sticking out of his coat pockets) • Blind singer in the metro that sounds like a woman (and his family) • Bulgy-eyed black woman at Berri-UQÀM • Charlie in the Village • Cigarette Cigarette! • Clone de Jimi Hendrix • Crack Head Jesse • Drone synthesizer busker • Fancy lady on St-Viateur • Folle avec un sac de plastique sur le pied et un turban sur la tête. Vue souvent au métro Beaubien • Fort St. crackheads • Free hugs guy • Ghost Bum (aka Nick Nolte) • Gilligan’s Island metro performer • Guy that says hello in 100 languages for money • Guy who reads the encyclopedia while walking with the high socks downtown • Guy with the white cat on a leash in the Village • Homeless guy who asks for money to buy Beer and Steak • Homeless Inuit gang in the McGill ghetto • Italian Violin Metro Busker • James Brown looking guy • Leroy the Happy Wanderer • Lizard man on St-Laurent • Lord Stinkinbeggar • LSD Man • Mark the one-wheeled basket man • Marilyn Monroe (crazy old drunken man) on St-Viateur • Michel—homeless dude in Crescent alley • Mike (homeless guy who lives on the mountain) • Naked dude with a spear with a tennis ball on it—see him at Carré St-Louis in the summer • NDG Bottle Man • Often-shirtless Dancing Old Guy near Eaton Centre • Old dancing man downtown • Old guy with long white hair who begs downtown • Old Port hugger guy • Pamphlet waver, corner of Pins and St-Laurent • Phil the pigeon livered metro geek • Philippe the human kiosk man • Pimp dude on Parc and St- Joseph • Pimp guy (Plateau) • Poète quèteux • Pothead in Ville St-Laurent always trying to sell you weed • Shirtless guy, Mile End • Shirtless old guy who mumbles and sings, with open arms, mostly on St-Viateur near Clark • Simon the Mile-End Hipster • Singing bus driver • Singing homeless man on Peel and Ste-Catherine • Souvlaki George • St-Laurent flute lady • That crazy old man that hangs out on St-Denis, the really flexible one • That guy at Square Victoria metro that says “Bonjour Montréal” with his guitar • That guy next to me on the bus/metro • That guy who air guitars to Jimi Hendrix in the Plateau • That guy who smokes crack, jumps in front of you in the sidewalk and yells “GOT MONEY!?!?” at you to get your attention • That really animated panhandler on the corner of St-Denis & Mont-Royal—he speaks French now! • The 211 Headbanger • The black guy that rides the bus on Parc, that is often wearing extravagantly coloured outfits with feathers in his hat and some style of snake boots • The cabbie magician • The clown who give comic books to everybody • The Concordia hobo with tattoos on his face • The Decarie Screamer • The designer with huge black glasses • The dog guy • The dude who makes beats at the corner of Mont-Royal and St-Laurent until he gets dismissed by cops for disturbing the peace. I love him. • The dude who wears the pedophile glasses, with long blond hair—John • The French bum that is seen either playing with his own spit in the metros or running around town yelling for his pet chicken • The guy that looks like Moses in Villeray • The guy who has a canoe on his bike • The guy who lives in the basement and looks like he’s taken enough acid to kill a zoo full of elephants • The guy who rubs himself down with soil only to wash it off at the nearest water fountain • The guy who sings at the Metcalfe exit at Peel everyday • The guy who walks on St-Denis and looks like a Teletubby • The guy with a skeleton tattoo on his head • The guy with the Cirque du Soleil jacket that barks at people on the streets • The guy with tin foil coming out of his ears & nose • The homeless guy in Atwater who has a blog • The kosher butcher at Loblaws • The man who carries a chihuahua to impress ladies at Starbucks on Laurier • The man who plays flute with his nose in the metro (one flute per nostril) • The man who wears a dress in Jarry Park • The old smiling men on St-Viateur in Hawaiian shorts • The psycho that screams in your face “CAN I HAVE 75¢!!!” • The Tri-flutist in the metro but I think he died... RIP • The Village street person who shits in front of Tim Horton’s • Trans- Hat-Boa dude/lady at Prince Arthur & St-Laurent • Two-colour hair dude with no shirt always walking and over-tanned • Walrus man